Negativity Bias - Remember that time when...

Think of a time when you were embarrassed when you were in school... got it?

Ok, now try to think of a time when someone else did something embarrassing...
...I bet that was harder right?

Our brains are hardwired for self-preservation. We learn from our mistakes, and so anything which our mind feels to be 'dangerous' or could lead to falling out of favour with our clan, will be burned into our minds. Kind of as a warning against similar behaviours in the future. This is similar to how we learn other things. We repeat them until they become ingrained into our minds, and then they become second nature (driving, for instance). This way, we will be better prepared to react in the future. The flip side being that we don't tend to remember other people's mistakes, because our brain will disregard that, and focus on our own experiences.

So, next time you feel yourself getting embarrassed about something - say you stumble and fall - just laugh it off, and know that you are learning how not to fall again in the future. You will remember it, but no one else will.

So, until next time, take care - and mind your step 😉

What is Safeguarding?

Here in the UK, we have a system in place for the protection of children and vulnerable adults. This system is managed by a multi-disciplinary team which includes local councils, the NHS, and the Care Quality Commission (CQC). Together, they work to share information, and ensure that the necessary steps are taken to ensure the wellbeing of those in receipt of care.

If you feel like someone is not being treated with dignity, respect, and proper care, then do not feel like there is nothing you can do. You can contact your local council's social care department to let them know that you have a concern. If you are unable to reach them, then you can contact the CQC directly, and they will be able to instigate an investigation. The telephone number being 03000 616161 and the email address being enquiries@cqc.org.uk

Do not let your concerns go unheard. Anyone can raise a concern, and should there be an issue, then it will be investigated and rectified.

Remember, neglect and abuse may not always be visible, and may not correspond to stereotypes of what constitutes 'abuse'. If you feel that someone is being treated inappropriately, then there may be an issue.

If you are interested in learning more, here are some links which you may find useful:

Shifting your perspective

I'm sure you know what I am talking about here. When you are in a bad mood, it can seem like the whole world is against you. Nothing will go right, and everyone is deliberately trying to annoy you even more. Right?

Well not exactly. What is happening here is that you are becoming trapped in 1st position.
"Help! My ballet teacher won't let me move."

Let me explain. There is a concept that there are three positions when it comes to interacting with other people. These positions correlate to the various perspectives which can be used when writing. Can you see where I am going with this? These are known, in literature, as '1st person', '2nd person', and '3rd person'. Whilst writing usage of these terms refers to who is the subject being wrote about, in social contexts, it refers to the perspective being taken.

In first position/1st person, we are focused on our own feelings. The biggest question in this mindset is "how does this affect me?" When negative emotions are at play, this is the position we tend to revert to. This is completely natural, it is a form of self-preservation. For example, something which could cause us pain arises, and we instinctively think about how to get away from it. But, in modern life, this reaction can be brought about when the threat is something like a person expressing an opinion which we do not agree with. This can be the hardest habit to break, in respects of this topic, as it is entirely instinctive. But I invite you to - next time you feel yourself being annoyed, or asking how something which another person has said affects you - take a moment to step out of your own head and try moving into what is called 2nd position.

2nd position is when we move out of our own headspace, and try to empathise with the perspective of the other person/people involved. I think it is important to draw the distinction between empathy and sympathy here. Empathy means feeling something with another person, as if those feelings were you own (crying with someone else). Sympathy, on the other hand, refers to feeling emotions towards the other person (e.g. feeling sorry for them). In 2nd position, we are able to understand the other person's reasoning, and can become more compassionate and accepting of their views. This is something which counsellors become adept at, so that they are able to fully connect with their clients - whilst also ensuring that they keep themselves safe through the use of supervision and boundaries.

Finally, there is 3rd position. This is the position of the outside observer. From here, the most objectivity can be gained, which is particularly useful for extremely emotional and/or important discussions. This is the position of the mediator in arguments and dispute resolution. This can be hard to step into directly from 1st position, as we will tend to still have remnants of our own emotional responses milling around in our minds. Thus, it can be beneficial to work through the positions in order to build a full image of the situation.

In closing, I want to thank you for reading, and reiterate my invitation to consider these positions next time you are involved in a heated discussion, or making a significant decision which involves you and your partner/family/friends/etc.

Bring your light to those around you.